Trials of Heather

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Thanks everyone for your comments. It is going to be hard for a little bit. I tried going back to work today. Apparently a lot of people found out that we lost our baby. So many people were coming up to me wanting to know what happened. It was bad. I finally decided that i couldn't deal with it anymore and started telling people that it was too hard to talk about right now. And said thanks for the support. I am going to take tomorrow and Friday off. I can't go to work and deal with this anymore. Work is already stressful without me sitting there wondering when someone is going to ask me about the miscarriage. I know they are worried about me, but i can't do it. I start crying when they mention it.

My husband and I have decided that we want to try one more time to have baby. But i think my dr. appt next Friday will decide somethings. I have to ask more questions about that cyst on my ovary. I hope that if we get that taken care of that it will end our problems. Maybe i am hoping for a miracle, but it would be nice to have something good happen for a chance to us.

I will say this: This miscarriage has brought my husband and I closer to each other. And I love him more than i did before. I am falling in love with him all over again. That sounds so weird to me, but it is true. He is so supportive and loving. When i am/was balling my eyes out he is gives me the biggest hugs and tells me it will be ok. I am lucky to have such a great husband. I know he is in pain too with this, but he always is so supportive with me.

This Sunday we are supposed to go over to my in laws and I don't think I want to go. They are throwing him a belated Birthday dinner for him. They are nice people and all, i just hope that they will leave our m/c alone. I know they are sad too, but i can't talk about it. I only feel comfortable talking to my husband, my mom and my blogger friends. It is too hard to talk to his parents. I really don't want to start crying in front of them. I find it easier typing it out then actually saying it anyways.

I went up to the nursery and started balling last night. I know i probably shouldn't have gone up there, but I keep thinking about how perfect it would have been. We already had it all painted and the crib assembled. It was hard to see an empty crib that wouldn't be full anytime soon. I think that is when we decided that we wanted to try one more time. It would be a shame to leave that room empty. For now I closed the door to that room and will stay out of there for now. I pray that someday we will have a beautiful baby in that crib.


Monday, February 26, 2007

A lot has changed in a month! We just found out last Thursday that we lost our baby. I went into the doctor with some bleeding, which they told me was probably nothing, to find out through an ultrasound that our baby didn't make it past 8 1/2 weeks. This totally is so hard to deal with especially since it is the 2nd miscarriage for us. We had a D&C on Friday and went home and both my husband and we laid on the bed and cried for the rest of the day. My hubby has been supper supportive this time around. This sucks, i don't understand why this happened to us again. I have never seen my hubby cry before. He told me that he can't go through this again. I don't think i have it in me to go through it again either. It is too hard.

I also found out that i have a cyst on my ovary, which they think they need to remove. This freaks me out too, since i worry about us trying one more time without my ovary. I don't know what they are going to say more about it. I go to my appt in 2 weeks for recheck after the surgery and will ask more then. I wonder if the cyst contributed in our miscarriage? Anyone know? I have been praying like crazy this go around and have started to lose some faith. I think it has to do with be very depressed.

My doctor gave me a week off of work but i am scared that i will lose my job if i take it. So i am going to try to go back in tomorrow. I hope everyone at work leaves me alone and then it shouldn't be too bad.