Trials of Heather

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Today was a bad day.... All I did was cry today.

I found out that the girl that i talk to at work and consider my friend at work is pregnant. I was the 1st person that she told at work and all i could muster up was "cool". How lame am I? We went out to lunch today so we could talk, and she knew about my m/c. She told me she was pregnant. She isn't going to tell anyone at all until she is 3 months along after hearing the "hell" i went through. She is 6 weeks along. I feel happy for her, but at the same time very sad because it reminded me about the baby that i lost.

Then i had to go to the allergist. All of his nurses there seem to know i was the pregnant one and all came up to ask how i was doing and how the morning sickness was....I told them that we lost our baby...and then i had to talk to the dr. about it so by the time i was talking to him i started crying. I find myself wondering why the world has to be so cruel to me.

Friday i got to the OB doctor and find out about my cyst. Pray for me, i am scared that i will have to lose my ovary. I am so scared that it will affect my fertility. I just want a child of my own that I can hold in my arms and love. I used to wish for a girl. Now I just want a baby of my own to rock. A baby of my own to love and watch grow.

I wanted to say thank you for everyone's comments, they have helped me immensely.

I also want to say a special thank you to canape for leaving in my comments:

"You already are a mom. You have carried those little lives and cared for them as no one else could. Even though you never got to meet them face to face, they are still your children and you are still a mom."

That really touched me. I cry ever time i read it but you put it so beautifully.



At 5:50 PM, Blogger Anns said...

You are such a strong woman and you will get through this. You will never forget no matter what and you will always hold a little something in your heart for your babies, but hang in there, it will get easier to deal with. I will say a prayer for you that you don't need to lose your ovary. Know that we are all here rooting for you...


At 8:31 PM, Blogger That Chick Over There said...

Oh honey. That is SO hard! I found out that I had secondary infertility and two days later my sister told me she was pregnant with twins. It's like, you want to be happy for them but at the same time, you wonder...what about ME?

I'm so, so sorry about your miscarriage. I've been there and it just blows.

At 8:42 AM, Blogger Kellie said...

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I wish there was something I could say to make it better. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow hoping that you get good news from your doctor re: the cyst.

At 10:16 AM, Blogger SaraS-P said...

oh wow, I am crying (first day of AF, it is happening really easily) over the idea of being a mother even though I never got to meet my baby. Ok, breathe...

It is always so hard when others get pregnant all around you. Right after my m/c, my SIL got pregnant and a friend got pregnant (she had m/c but is now due in April).

I hope the cyst turns out to be nothing serious.

This is a rough time for you. Not just because of the situation, your hormones are probably still readjusting, and that makes all the pain more powerful.

I hope things get better for you.

At 10:59 PM, Anonymous MoJo said...

Hi Heather...I got your email asking for permission to enter my private little blog, so I came over here to check you out...and CRIED. Oh HEATHER!! Bless your heart.

You'll find that my life has been anything but rosy, but it all dulls in comparison to what you've gone through. I am so sorry. Truly, my heart goes out to you.

Come to my little space again...I'll let you in. I hope I can bring some more smiles and laughter into your life. I'm very glad to have finally "met" you. (I do love my lurkers!!)

Love, Mo


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