Today was a bad day.... All I did was cry today.

I found out that the girl that i talk to at work and consider my friend at work is pregnant. I was the 1st person that she told at work and all i could muster up was "cool". How lame am I? We went out to lunch today so we could talk, and she knew about my m/c. She told me she was pregnant. She isn't going to tell anyone at all until she is 3 months along after hearing the "hell" i went through. She is 6 weeks along. I feel happy for her, but at the same time very sad because it reminded me about the baby that i lost.

Then i had to go to the allergist. All of his nurses there seem to know i was the pregnant one and all came up to ask how i was doing and how the morning sickness was....I told them that we lost our baby...and then i had to talk to the dr. about it so by the time i was talking to him i started crying. I find myself wondering why the world has to be so cruel to me.

Friday i got to the OB doctor and find out about my cyst. Pray for me, i am scared that i will have to lose my ovary. I am so scared that it will affect my fertility. I just want a child of my own that I can hold in my arms and love. I used to wish for a girl. Now I just want a baby of my own to rock. A baby of my own to love and watch grow.

I wanted to say thank you for everyone's comments, they have helped me immensely.

I also want to say a special thank you to canape for leaving in my comments:

"You already are a mom. You have carried those little lives and cared for them as no one else could. Even though you never got to meet them face to face, they are still your children and you are still a mom."

That really touched me. I cry ever time i read it but you put it so beautifully.