Trials of Heather

Thursday, March 15, 2007

I told my husband that i was read to start trying again... i am having second thoughts all of a sudden... I am starting to freak out. I am so scared that it will happen again. Maybe i am not ready yet. And then another part of me says that i had better go for it since i would like to have a baby soon. And i don't think i could be happy knowing there is a beautiful crib and rocking chair up in the nursery gathering dust. I really wish we hadn't bought all of that yet and got the nursery ready so early... we really thought that tragedy wouldn't strike twice....we were horribly wrong. I want to get past this i really do, but it is hard sometimes. I really thought that i would have had a baby in my arms by now. I have to gear up for another go around and pray that everything work out this next time.

I have started crying more...guess you could say that i had a set back. A girl at work was telling the horrible story about some women that got pregnant and bad stuff happened and kept talking to me even after i told her to stop and went back to my desk... She doesn't quit... I know she has had some m/c's before and all but you would think that she would understand that i am still grieving... this is the same women that blabbed about my m/c to everyone at work, so i can't say that her actions surprised me in any way. I read about a kid being abused and lost it at work!

I want this to be over and be pregnant again...but i am so scared. I don't know if i can handle another m/c. The 2 that i had have been hard enough. If i have another than i will really doubt my body. I already have been thinking about what is wrong with me. I wish i knew what the future held. I wish i could find out if i finally was able to have a baby in my arms. Anyone have a magic ball out there?

Thanks again for every one's comments...they really help know that i am not alone in this journey.

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At 7:03 PM, Blogger SaraS-P said...

Trying again is very difficult at first, and, yes, it is worse when you already have baby things purchased (I am still waiting for the chance to fill out the 2 pairs of maternity pants I bought). There is the urgent need to get back to being pregnant mixed with the grief left over from the last pregnancy.

Avoid that woman at work as much as possible!

At 8:21 PM, Blogger canape said...

I'm reading a book - Pregnancy After a Loss - that is pretty good.

We are trying again. I don't know what to say about it. It doesn't take away the pain, but the pain doesn't take away the desire to have a baby either.

I do see your comments, thank you :) Every one gets emailed to me and I cherish each one. I think comments on my blog really saved me.


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