Ever since I miscarried (which was only a week or so ago) I have been really upset... I really wanted that baby so badly...and yes, it was a little bit unplanned, but we both wanted it... Now I question if I even want to try again since I worry that it will happen again...and if I would miscarry again, I don't know if I could handle it. My husband doesn't want me to tell anyone since it was going to be our 1st child, so it makes me feel like I have to handle this on my own...and it is rough... I feel so alone in this whole thing.... I was so excited when I found out that we were pregnant and then a week later I started spotting... It horrible... I was so excited to tell my dad for father's day that he would be a grandfather, and then it was gone. I find myself getting a little jealous of pregnant women that I see... I find myself blaming myself for what happened... Like maybe I shouldn't drank that diet Mountain dew every morning... (I stopped once I found out that I was pregnant) but I am finding myself blaming me for everything that went wrong.

So I was going to originally start this brand new blog off with news that I was pregnant and post updates about our pregnancy...Well, I miscarried and lost our little one a couple days ago... We are deeply upset about this.... Hopefully soon I will have excellent news as we want to try again.