Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

It isn't so happy around here right now...as I lost my grandfather about 5 years ago around Thanksgiving, so it has always been tough... and my side of the family is really pissing me off lately. My mom is a piece of work, she hasn't called me since the miscarriage, which I told her about and then tonight she kept asking me when she will get her 1st grandchild... like I need that kind of pressure. I have enough pressure on my own thank you very much. My dad lives in another state so I don't get to see him very much, but I miss him like crazy. It has always been tough around the holidays... Holidays have been nothing but disappointment after disappointment for me. I am hoping this year something will change, but so far not so good.

I hope I didn't offend anyone with my last post... I wasn't trying to be mean... just raw emotion sometimes slaps me in the face. I find myself awake when I should be sleeping, thinking how great it would be to finally have a child... but then a couple minutes later turning it into a negative thing in my head, thinking it wouldn't happen to me. I wish I could be more positive I am trying to be positive. I just want this child more than I have ever wanted anything EVER... I would give anything to have a child. I am still telling my husband that i want a baby for Christmas.... I am hoping for a Christmas miracle.