I still feel pregnant so I guess that is a good sign... and have the typical signs of pregnancy... But this time around i am not as excited about it... I am scared that this will be m/c #2 ... I keep telling myself to be positive, but it is hard...

I made my 1st appt with my Dr. on January 22nd to see the Dr.'s nurse....apparently this is the 1st step... This is the step i didn't make it past last time and when they noticed things were going wrong last time... i pleaded with them to get an earlier time but they are too booked... I am scared that i wouldn't make it past this point... last time i barely made it past a week past when my period was.

February 5 is coming in a month, and that was my last due date for the baby that i lost and i don't know how I feel about that... nervous I guess... I hope this year is the perfect year, and I have this baby in September! I have started praying, something i used to never do... I pray every night that my baby is OK, and that there is nothing wrong with it, and that i wouldn't lose it. That sounds sad, but it guess me something to do and i don't feel as scared when i talk to God. But it usually ends in me crying... hormones maybe, i don't know. I hope I can experience the joys of motherhood, something that i have wanted since i can remember.

I am off to grab a nap...I'm so tired.