Thank you Angella, Sube, Alli and Thalia for the comments on my blog. They were very helpful. I guess now I don't feel as alone... I am thankful that i found people like you for me to be able to talk about my feelings about this... It still frustrates me that I can't talk to my husband about this, because he tells me that I should be over this already.

I got a call from the dr.'s office on Monday, saying that the blood test that I had done for the pregnancy hormone went up instead of down like it was supposed to. (They are testing me every week until it goes to zero.) They said I could either a) have tissue still in there from the miscarriage -or- b) I could be pregnant again.... I am thinking it is A, but they didn't say what I needed to do if there was still tissue in there... This is my first miscarriage and was my first pregnancy... I am so sick of going in to have blood drawn for what they always say will be the last time I have to do it this round, only to have to come in again next week... When I walk in to the Dr.'s office I relive the miscarriage in my head all over again, which is very frustrating.

I question my fertility too, and maybe i shouldn't...but i question things like maybe there isn't a problem getting pregnant but maybe there is something wrong with me STAYING pregnant. There is so many horrible things floating through my head... To make matters worse to one of the girls at work, who i just told about the miscarriage told me that it wasn't really a baby anyways... that hurt... to me it was a baby... i wanted it SO badly!!!!! I had so many hopes and dreams, and they were all crushed... (Great now i am crying again...)